If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
