A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
