Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
