I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
