I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
