he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
