I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
