you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
