we made out on top of his cat.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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