3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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