just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
