no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
