I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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