And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
