you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
