You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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