last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
