Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
