my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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