just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he fucked my hip out of place.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
