Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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