what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
As shirtless as possible
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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