Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
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Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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