Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im part way to drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
