Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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