Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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