Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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