did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
