I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
