Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
