I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
