Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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