I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
