so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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