Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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