if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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