Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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