Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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