I swear she didn't look like that last week.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
