I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
