Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
