also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
