your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Boobs speak an international language.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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