When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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