you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
