It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
