dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize