from now on my penis is your penis
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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