on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
