wanna go halves on a baby?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
