So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
