I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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