She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
