You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you made out with another girl for some wings
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
