i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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