sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
one two three fourrrrnication!
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
