Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
