I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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