Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
