he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
