I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize