I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
