Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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