Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
