I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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