genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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