bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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