How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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