ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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