mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
