I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I AM VODKA MAN
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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