sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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