Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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