Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
