You made me cry and you don't even care
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
