just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
