Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
