i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
