onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
