sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
