..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
