Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
